Sixteen and Pregnant

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."- The king from Alice in Wonderland.  Very wise huh.......kinda vague, but wise none the less.  I love quotes, I'm kind of a quote queen, I have them posted all over everything I have, notebooks, planners, around the house, and my office at work.  I love to ponder the words of others and see how they apply to me.  Makes you feel like you may not be alone in a situation in this sometimes lonely ole' world.

On the contrary, I'm very seldom ever alone; as in not in the presence of another living being.  Even finding alone time for prayer life is sometimes an obstacle.  So I often take much advantage of driving time alone, and if I should get a little time before bed alone.  I started thinking about being lonely when I realized that Tyler will be 15 tomorrow.  Four more years of high school and my baby boy just may leave this Momma birds nest.  The idea of it all is VERY traumatizing!!  I've been procrastinating about thinking about Tyler growing up for some time now.  Yeah, he's had girlfriends, a few teen experiments I've had to deal with, the normal stuff I found myself getting in trouble for at his age; but all the while I have really refused to deal with the fact that my child will be permitted to drive a vehicle this year (with me of course)!  I taught him to drive a couple of years ago, he is a pretty good driver.  I do have a dent in the back of my Tahoe where he backed into the side of my best friends house across the street, but other than that he's done fairly well!  (Asserting belief in that reassuring statement!) 

Tomorrow, May 16, my sweet baby boy turns 15.  I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with him.  My best friend Tina and I skipped school, I was devastated.  Sixteen and pregnant, what was I going to do and how was I going to tell my mother!!!!!  Thanks to good ole' Springville High School I didn't have to tell her, they called her and told her I didn't show up at school that day, immediately she called my boyfriends house, asked if I was there, and demanded to speak to me!  "Mandy, the school called me and told me you weren't at school today.....(long pause) YOUR PREGNANT AREN'T YOU?"  How in the world did she know!  I was pretty tight lipped about my recent "extra-curricular" activity, I was rarely absent in school, I was a good student, I was a good girl, how did she peg me!  At least I didn't have to tell her and she just asked me.  Little did I know at that time that very motherly instinct that would soon kick in for me saved me ALOT of anguish in explaining how I got pregnant.  She was very irritated with me, very disappointed in me.  A range of emotions floated around in the air of our home that week we first found out.  People began to ask me what I was going to do, give me advice on how a baby could ruin my life, I would never be able to follow my dreams, it would change everything forever, I could abort, I could look at adoption; everyone had a two cents.  I could never give a baby I carried for 9 months up for adoption, I knew that for certain.  The option of abortion never really was an option, Momma didn't raise me that way.  All I could do is grow up, I was gonna be a Momma, I was going to go to school my junior year of high school pregnant. 

At first it was kind of rough, everyone was really shocked that I was pregnant.  Then it settled down, became normal for me.  I stayed so tired after school, no morning sickness really, just a little sick every once in a while at night.  I remember my Aunt Renee saying that I was going to have a boy because little boys would never put their mommas through morning sickness.  I giggled, but was dead set on a little girl though; Whitney Elizabeth, I would talk to her and read to her in my tummy.  I really did LOVE being pregnant.  Everyone was so nice to me, and my favorite phrase was; "but I'm pregnant...."  Most everyone in my family catered to me, poured me drinks, brought me things so I wouldn't have to get up.  It was pretty nice!

My close friends gained weight with me as I began to pack on pounds, my school splurge was creamy curls, this huge cream filled honey bun with chocolate on top!  I don't think I went a school day without one!  There were a few challenging times being pregnant at school.  Like the day my coach decided we were going to run laps in PE, I explained to him my 5 month pregnant tail wasn't running no where, so I proceeded to walk the laps.  I guess to make the situation that I was the only one walking instead of running in the entire class (besides my faithful, best friend Tina) to make it worse my coach decided to punish the entire class for my pregnancy and have them continue to run laps until I finished walking my 10.  Those were the days if I could have fit under the bleachers me and my belly would have surely hid away!  Then there was the day I fell up the stairs between a class change, yep I said UP.  By the time the bell rang to change class again everyone was stopping me in the hall shocked to see that I was still at school since I had fell down the stairs and lost my baby!  Got to love small town high school!  I wouldn't have had it any other way. 

The day of the sonogram I was so excited.  I knew Whitney was a girl, no matter what the nay'sayers continued to say about the wide spreading of my back side and their old wives tails!  The sonogram technician asked me if  I was ready for her to tell me the sex of the wiggling baby inside of me and I looked at my mom in anticipation as she said it was a boy!  Tears immediately began to puddle up in my eyes, how could it be?  I just knew I was having a little girl to doll up in dresses, curl her pretty blond pig tails, the lace socks, and the ruffled booty diaper covers; oh no!  What was I gonna do with a boy!

I began to come to terms with the idea of a little boy and came up with a name; Tyler Mitchell.  Tyler because it was a cute name I could see myself calling my child and Mitchell because it means, Who is like God.  It all became more real as I started buying boy things and talking to my little boy and praying over this sweet little person growing inside of me.  At 16 years old the magnitude of love I was capable of was rich, but I never knew I could love someone so much that I hadn't even met yet.  I had this drive and determination in me to be a good mother.  Looking back I try to imagine my Tyler having to bear these emotions at the age he is so close to now.  I can't imagine.  Back then it didn't seem like so much to digest, rather it just was what it was and we made the best of it.  Now as I reflect on all that I did ingest throughout my teenage pregnancy I can see how much I grew from a little teenage girl into a nurturing mother in the matter of 9 months.  I had made a decision to keep my baby and I was really going to be someones mother.  Someone was really going to depend on me at 16 years old for his every need.  I had to do well, there was no option of failure.